I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
