Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
