So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
