I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
