Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
