i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
