I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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