I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
