My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
