david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
