dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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