you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
