That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
