hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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