24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
