I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
