This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
