Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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