Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
