id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
