how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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