You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
nutella sex= disaster
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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