this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
