the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize