I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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