3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
