I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
