my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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