Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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