walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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