if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
