how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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