the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
