if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Are we still banned from the library?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
