How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
