The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
