My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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