i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
