So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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