I bet he comes in French.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
