Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How's work?
Spinning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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