Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
