I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
