this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't put those talents on a resume
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize