the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
