I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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