dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
