I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
