Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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