Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
