he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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