Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
