we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize