What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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