You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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