There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
