those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
