You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
