remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
