break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They took my balls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
