i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
