Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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