I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
