So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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