I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
