so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
