He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
