he told me I talked like a deaf person
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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