Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
