my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
