Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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