i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
