The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
