Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
