I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hippo gnu deer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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