im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize