I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
