We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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