help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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