So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I checked into jail on foursquare
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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