everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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