I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
