I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
