Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize