Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
