first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
