wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
