either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
