I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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