I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
