and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
