we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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